The Silent Stereotype
February 14, 2014 | Revolution Newspaper | revcom.us
From someone who recently got involved in Stop Patriarchy:
No, I don’t have that much of an unusual life. Pretty stereotypical in fact. The crazy father, the abused mother, the favored older brother. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t feel like something was just not right. Why didn’t I ever get any of the cool toys that actually moved? Why wasn’t I encouraged to play a sport? Why didn’t I get a guitar? Why are my sisters always trying to change the way I dress? But hey, life went on.
The high school years were typical too. Don’t go to the party alone. Don’t go out dressed like that. Don’t let your drink out of your sight, that’s how they drug and rape you. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Don’t take the train home after dark. Better yet, don’t be anywhere after dark. I never listened.
With some stroke of luck I made it to college. News stories always in the background of other girls in other colleges being harassed and raped and not much being done about it. Luckily I didn’t dorm. News stories always in the background of women still being harassed in the workplace. I always thought to myself why do they put up with it? Why are they scared to complain? I needed a job.
With much encouragement from my mom, and my sisters planning the entire occasion, I got married instead. Funny how none of my mail was addressed to me anymore… In a flash my identity was lost. I couldn’t worry about that, I still needed a job, and an apartment. With another stroke of luck I managed to get both. Funny again how all the apartment documents came in my husband’s name even though I was the one who got the apartment. I was told it’s no big deal, it’s no reason to get so mad, it’s just the way things are. I decided to change my name, not back to my father’s, but to someone’s name who I respected and who should be honored, my Grandmother. For once I finally felt a little powerful, and well, good about myself…until I came to fully realize my work environment.
At first I guess I was just used to ignoring the sexist jokes and comments of male coworkers that they made within earshot, but to each other. I mean girls are used to ignoring sexist comments; it’s just the way it is. “Oh just ignore him, he’s a boy. Boys will be boys.” They weren’t making the comments directly towards me at least. It’s a good job and I didn’t want to screw it up. I began ignoring more and more, keeping my head down. The birthday cake in the shape of breasts brought into the office for one of the bosses, the more direct comments and jokes, hearing the stories of women who worked out in the field being harassed and degraded, and not much being done to help them. In fact, hearing the bosses make fun of the stories back in the office. I got a promotion and they offered to pay for my Master’s degree, the job isn’t THAT unbearable, I’d be stupid to leave. I work directly for the big boss now; no one has ever advanced this quickly here before, I even make more money than my husband. My mom is so proud of me. Would she still be proud of me if I told her my boss was regularly watching porn in the office? Am I still proud of me?
So here I am, just like the women from the news stories I always wondered about. But like I said, my life is pretty stereotypical. It just goes on. But I still feel like there is something that’s just not right. It can’t just be me. It can’t just be the choices I’ve made, or the choices all the other women have made. What other choices did we have? Don’t take the job and don’t get the pay check that we desperately need. File complaints and be retaliated against, be blamed, be stigmatized. Why are these the choices we have to make? No, it can’t just be me who doesn’t want to keep her head down any longer. It can’t just be me who sees the dark underlying problem lurking within everything. No, things aren’t right; they haven’t been right for a long time, and they aren’t getting better. So I write and hope others pick up their heads’ and see how not right it is, and start to change.
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