Just last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced a dangerous new variant of coronavirus spreading through the world and now the U.S.—Omicron (pronounced “Ahm-uh-cron”). Now, as if things weren’t bad enough already, Anthony Fauci—the leading infectious disease expert at the CDC today warned of an even more dangerous variant spreading rapidly across the U.S.—the Ommamoron (pronounced “I’m-a-moron”).

“Without this variant, it is safe to say that there would have been far fewer deaths in the U.S. and that the current danger of the Omicron virus would be easier to contain,” the dapper Fauci asserted. “But because the Ommamoron has been raging unchecked and unrecognized up until now, this has not only caused tremendous death and suffering, but has also made checking and containing new variants much harder.”

The official CDC advisory said that “the variant generally manifests in aggressive and idiotic behavior, with those caught up in the grip of it loudly and irrationally spouting fantastic tales and becoming aggressive when challenged and even physically attacking those who seek to curtail their manic efforts to spread the virus that has them in its grip.” Victims become delirious and sometimes violent in opposing vaccinations and even masks. 

The Ommamoron virus (which is also known by its Latin nomenclature of assholusfascistus) has only recently been officially recognized, but some critics charge that the variant has actually been spreading more or less unchecked through the course of the epidemic. “By failing to recognize this earlier, the Biden administration and CDC have allowed the Ommamoron variant to spread into many other communities where it has created bizarre mutations by merging with other dangerous variants—for instance, the toxic Me-me-me-uber-alles, in which victims cannot see beyond their own noses; and the Farra-Con-Us Conspiratorus, which often blinds people—especially members of ‘underserved communities’—and causes them to inflict harm on themselves and their communities,” said one critic. 

In regard to these other variants, initial efforts, though still unfortunately very few, do seem to show that forceful and cogent reasoning can yield results. A CDC official speaking on background said that even ordinary people, with a little basic training and orientation, could help by continuing to mask up, social distance, get their shots and boosters, and—once so fortified—insist that these people either stop endangering others or, in the case of those victimized by Farra-Con-Us Conspiratorus, acting the fool as well. This can work well with friends and acquaintances.

But other health workers warned that more serious interventions should be done by well-prepared teams, trained in a basic scientific outlook and prepared to defend each other. All experts agree that there is still far too little of this aggressive treatment going on.

Fauci predicted that “we’re in for a difficult haul with the Ommamoron virus. The radical team treatment can yield results. But unless and until there is a powerful, relentless force put behind this treatment regimen, things could get far far worse.”